Rotters International - The Crap Comes First

Sunday, December 24, 2006

ROTTERS IS MOVING

Rotters Int. will be moving to a new host Wordpress.com. This historical move should be completed in 24 hrs, unless the United Nations Security Council imposes sanctions on us.

Our new URL will be rottersint.wordpress.com. Stay tuned, as Rotters Int. remains committed as ever to bringing you the latest stories.

posted at 1:30 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 16 Comments

Monday, December 11, 2006

ON LEAVE

COMPANY ANNOUNCEMENT

This is a company announcement that writer Da Vinci will be on leave from tomorrow till the 29th of december. He will be travelling to the land where vulgarities sound like compliments, the food is heavenly and the babes too hot to handle - France. Till then, he wishes all and sundry a very merry christmas and may Santa be generous and not drop a C4 in your stocking. Especially YOU Ah Fatt!!!

Cheers,

Da Vinci
Co-Chief Editor
Rotters International

posted at 11:17 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

Sunday, December 10, 2006

POLONIUM TRAIL LEADS TO GERMANY, HITLER QUESTIONED

WORLD

- reported by Osiris.

British detectives investigating the death of ex-Russian spy Alexander Litvinenko have arrived in Berlin to meet German officials after radiation traces were found in two brothels owned by ex-leader Adolf Hitler.

Britain's MI-6 received a tip-off from their German counterparts after five female prostitutes turned up at a local hospital with symptoms of radiation poisoning. Doctors confirmed that all five tested positive for the substance polonium, but did not state if the prostitutes' lives were endangered.

German police officers have held Hitler at the Federal Intelligence Services headquarters for questioning, but insisted that the former Nazi leader is 'not under arrest'. A top-ranking officer, who requested not to be named due to the fact that the questioning was not supposed to be disclosed, told Rotters Int, "Hitler is giving us his full cooperation, but at the moment we are still in the beginning stages of questioning." He did not give any further details.

Britain has requested that Hitler be indicted to London where the police can proceed with a more 'comprehensive interrogation', but Germany is reluctant to do so. Sources from Berlin tell us that the Chancellor is afraid that Britain will lock Hitler in the Madame Tussauds wax museum.

"If it is a human figure, then we are alright with it. But if the British are going to display Hitler as Churchill's meatloaf, then we cannot allow them to do so." quoted a letter from Germany's foreign ministry.

German authorities insist that Hitler is not under arrest.

Since the end of World War II, when Germany surrendered to the Allies after the Jewish Hot-dog Attack on the capital city, Adolf Hitler had spent his time rebuilding the country's economy, employing homeless women to work as sex workers. He is the owner of twelve brothels with a net worth of more than twenty billion Euros, and is currently ranked twenty-five on the Forbes 100 richest men in the world.

MI-6 suspects that Hitler received supplies of polonium, along with other radioactive substances, during the second World War, when it was known that the Nazi leader was pursuing weapons of mass destruction. Although this is merely preliminary speculation, British tabloid The Daily Mirror has implicated that Moscow was responsible for the sale, and that former Soviet leader Stalin had been secretly supplying his enemy with weapons in exchange for victory against the German army.

Stalin, who is currently resting under a Russian Hawthorne tree, could not be reached for comment.

posted at 10:52 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 1 Comments

MORE RAINBOW SIX COMIC STRIPS

GAMING

- reported by Osiris.

Found more strips pertaining to Rainbow Six: Vegas in the Penny Arcade archives. Enjoy.

posted at 10:27 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

FUNNY RAINBOW SIX COMIC

GAMING

- reported by Osiris.

This is taken from Penny Arcade, two gamers who can draw really well.

In case you are scratching your head and asking yourself what is so funny about this strip, Penny Arcade is basically mocking communication problems which may arise in an international counter-terrorism team.

Rotters Int. had the opportunity to test out Rainbow Six: Vegas, courtesy of GameAxis. A concise review will be published in the January issue of GameAxis Unwired, but we will be posting our initial version on the portal soon. Stay tuned!

posted at 10:10 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

Saturday, December 09, 2006

ELMO APPROVES CONGRESS APPROVAL OF INDIA NUCLEAR SALE, PAKISTAN VOICES DISCONTENT

WORLD

- reported by Osiris.

The red and furry nincompoop Elmo has signed a new legislation into US law, where it is now allowed to export civilian nuclear fuel and technology to India for the first time in 30 years. The vote follows an agreement earlier this year between the Sesame Street corporation and the Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh.

Under the deal, energy-hungry India, whose development rate is rapid, will have access to US civil nuclear technology and fuel, in return for opening its nuclear facilities to the Sesame Street corporation where future TV shows will be recorded.

Its nuclear weapons sites, however, will still remain off-limits.

Elmo is confident of the new deal.

Elmo told Rotters Int. that the new deal is a step forward to improving ties between the world's only superpower and one which is emerging.

"We have to give them the fuel because it is a necessity for India. We don't want the day to come when India has to threaten with its weapons arsenal in order to get what they want to survive." He was comparing with the North Korean situation, when the communist country recently hit South Korea with a big stick in a bid to remind the world that they are still a nuclear threat.

Prime Minister Singh was proud of the new agreement. "Now, besides the nuclear fuel, we also have Sesame Street shows for the children. They don't have to watch street puppet shows any more!"

Neighbouring Pakistan, who has never been on good terms with India and also has a nuclear weapons arsenal, condemned the new trade deal. President Musharraf called the agreement a "brave move to ignite a war."

"Everyone knows what India will do to the nuclear fuel. They will spice it up such that it can be used in weapons, just like what they do to the curry."

"I am sick of Elmo. I bet you're sick of Elmo as well. Yesterday he just asked me to tickle him twenty times!"

The Pakistani President added, "When they set up their TV studios, they will blare it over the PA system and try to convert the kids in our country to watch their capitalist shows instead of our local Ali Baba and the Prophet series." Sesame Street executives declined to comment, but Cookie Monster said this,

"I have COOKIES! They have no cookies! COOKIES! Munch munch!"

"Oh no! Not Elmo again!"

posted at 10:31 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

EX-SOCIALISTS HIRE PRIVATE INVESTIGATORS

WORLD

- reported by Osiris.

Senior members of the Socialists' Party in Iceland have hired a private investigation team to scout the Republic of Jacked China for any possible threats.

The services of famous duo of Sam and Max have been acquired to ensure that the country is safe before they move in. Earlier Socialists had heard rumors that the police officers in the Republic of Jacked China had been ordered to shoot any Socialist on sight. The senior members are currently holding up in undisclosed areas, and we have confirmed that they have not moved to Jacked China yet. It is believed that they have made plans to move in on January 3 2007, but security precautions had to be taken.

Sam and Max will make sure that Republic of Jacked China is safe for the senior Socialists to move in.

Said a senior official, who declined to be named because of the sensitivity of the issue, "We cannot fully trust the Republic of Jacked China yet, because we all know that the Icelandic administration has ties with them. But of course we do not want to hurt any relationship even before moving, so we are just takin the right and necessary steps."

No official from the Republic of Jacked China would comment on the rumor.

Sam and Max will sniff the town areas for any clues of suspicious characters. It is understood that corrupt police officers will smell heavily of donuts, and Sam will be able to pick up the scent.

"We are pleased that the Socialists party have engaged us to be in-charge of their security, and Max and I are confident that we will do a good job." Sam told Rotters Int. in a phone interview. The two private investigators are currently investigating the trail of a TV show in a TV studio, and should arrive in the Republic of Jacked China on Tuesday.

Sam and Max are known for their harsh interrogation tactics which will make people want to pee in their pants.

posted at 10:01 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

THE STATE OF FOOD

HOME

-reported by Da Vinci.

Not too long ago I found myself walking down Orchard road looking for some good eats but to no avail. It was then that I came to realise that hey, there are really no good eateries along this major thoroughfare unless you are willing to fork out at least $20 per person at a decent restaurant. So as a patriotic citizen, I decided to embark on a search mission to find the secret locations of some of the best local fare here. I decided to set out to ascertain the state of food on this island nation.

0800 hours
Early in the morning, I found myself parked behind a plastic blue table at an indian coffeeshop shoveling roti prata into my mouth. Located opposite Beauty World shopping mall, Al-Azhar coffeeshop is a favourite among the residents there and serves some pretty good prata. They are only 60 cents per prata and come out fresh, hot and crispy. You can eat it with sugar or with some of the killer curry which they serve there. Another thing which they are famous for is the milo dinosaur. Imagine a beer mug filled to the brim with milo, ice cubes and milo powder along with an optional scoop of vanilla ice cream and you've got an energising chocolate milkshake with a Singaporean twist to it. Apart from that, they also serve a really good red bean milkshake.

1100 hours
After that heavy breakfast my mind is wondering where to go next to fill up my stomach. The answer is the original Killiney Road Kopitiam for a morning snack of kaya toast and coffee. The kaya is homemade and fresh while the bread is toasted the traditional way, over a charcoal grill, giving it a smoky taste and a crunch which you cannot get from using the high-tech toasters of today. It is reasonably priced to boot.

1300 hours
I have made my way to the Bishan neighbourhood and have stopped at the S-11 coffeeshop next to Junction 8 shopping centre for lunch. There is a stall known only to residents of the nearby HDB flats and the students of Raffles who's school is next door. That stall is the "Qiu Lian Ban Mian" stall. Ban Mian is basically flat handmade noodles. There, they cook the noodles before your very eyes in a tasty broth filled with minced pork, leafy greens and an egg. It is really cheap at $2.50 for a big bowl. Wash it all down with the potent $1 iced lemon tea sold at the drinks stall there.

1930 hours
Dinner, we can afford to splurge a bit so I decided to head over to Dome. The main courses there are pretty typical of a western cafe, but the highlight here is the dessert and the coffee. The Apple Crumble with Vanilla Ice cream is killer. I recommend taking the crumble cold, not heated up. That way everything is denser and the chill really brings out the flavour. Then comes the coffee. They serve good coffee here, second only to Coffee Club in my opinion. At Dome, try the Cafe Vienna, a sinful cup of one shot espresso infused with whip cream with a foam cap and topped with chocolate shavings. Simply heaven.

So there you have it, some of the nicest and cheapest places in Singapore to eat. If you are a foreigner here don't be suckered by the Newton Circus tourist trap. Go to these places instead for good, cheap, classic Singaporean food. For more information, please email rottersint@gmail.com. Ah Fatt will be pleased to attend to your call, now that he has finished his Hello Kitty review.

posted at 7:36 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

Friday, December 08, 2006

NEW TMNT MOVIE TRAILER

ENTERTAINMENT

- reported by Osiris.

The pizza-eating turtles are back to save the day in glorious 3D animation. Watch the latest trailer for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on MTV online. Click on the poster to view it now!

posted at 6:21 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

DELECTABLE CAKES

HOME

- reported by Osiris .

Recently my aunt got married ( finally ) and she had a simple wedding ceremony. However being a food expert, she ordered a huge box of cakes for each of her sisters present. The sweet delicacies included chocolate fudge, coffee, cheesecake and strawberry. They were very good - in fact a close competitor of Bakerzin's!

I do not know the price, but I reckon they do not come cheap. The name of the bakery is Canelé Pâtisserie Chocolaterie, a sister of the Les Amis chain of French restaurants. So you can be sure that the cake you are buying is no ordinary one. Here is the bakery's website: http://lesamis.com.sg/webtop/canele/

If you are looking for other quality cakes but at a cheaper price, check out the Deli at Goodwood Park Hotel. This cake counter is most famous for its lineup of durian delicacies like cakes, puffs and puddings. However I am never a fan of the 'king of fruits', and was more mesmerized by the blackforest cake. It certainly is like no other - the chocolate is just right, and it melts in your mouth. No, not M&Ms. However they could be a little more generous with the blueberries.

If you are wondering why I am recommending a hotel deli as a cheaper alternative, here is the answer. The deli has a 50% discount on all cakes on weekdays after 8pm. Many people already know of this promotion, so if you do not want your favourite cake to become someone else's dessert, then be early. Do not be surprised to find 'vultures' already waiting before the hour.

This is absolutely true! I know most of the articles here are half-accurate, but this is no bluff and I shall take full responsibility for my food report!

posted at 12:05 AM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

MICROSOFT'S ZUNE SALES 5TH; APPLE TO LAUNCH NEW IPOD

TECHNOLOGY

- reported by Osiris.

Apple CEO Steve Jobs and Microsoft's founder Bill Gates go head-to-head in the new MP3 war.

In the first week after its launch, software giant Microsoft's new MP3 player Zune is ranked 5th on the sales chart, according to market researcher NPD Group Inc.

The Microsoft Zune MP3 player.

This achievement by Microsoft has sent a warning message to current MP3-sales king Apple that the new kid on the block has what it takes to claim some of the Ipod's turf. Apple's Ipod series of MP3 players is currently the world's bestseller.

To deal with the rising challenge of Microsoft, Apple's Chief Executive Officer Steve Jobs has announced a new inclusion to the Ipod series. The Ipod Floppy, which is shaped like a floppy disk and has 1.44mb of memory, is set to be launched together with the Ipod Flea 2.0 on Christmas Eve.

Said Jobs, "The Ipod Floppy caters to the older generation who want to keep up with the improvements in technology but whose shaky hands will result in numerous cases of ( Ipod ) Nanos dropping and shattering on the floor." The price is estimated to be within US$100 - $250.

The Ipod Floppy is said to be a scaled-down version of the Ipod Video, but tech gurus cannot help but wonder how the 1.44mb memory will be able to store enough music or videos. "It's ridiculous," PC Mag writer Wayne Dose told Rotters Int. "They are just taking advantage of the folks who know little of tech and specs."

Apple's new Ipod Floppy will go on sale this Christmas Eve.

With a successful sales launch of its Zune MP3 player and also its next-gen gaming console Xbox 360, Microsoft will certainly be looking forward to healthy profits during the Christmas season. CEO Bill Gates recently announced a new Word Processor for computer users.

"This new Word Processor will be able to process letters much more efficiently than our previous Office softwares. Instead of just allowing you to type on the PC, the W.P will also let you print it out immediately, so you do not have to buy an external printer. This will certainly save consumers and commercial users a lot of money." Gates did not state if the W.P would be compatible with Mac systems.

The new Word Processor announced by Microsoft.

posted at 12:30 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

NINTENDO WII MANUAL TRANSLATED

TECHNOLOGY

- reported by Osiris.

The guys at Gizmodo.com have successfully translated the Japanese manual of the new Nintendo console Wii. ( link ) We are unable to publish the entire article on our portal due to copyright issues, but here's one of the many pictures which should get you interested in clicking on the link.

posted at 12:19 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

ICELAND COMPILATION

We have compiled all the reports from the hottest news story which happened in the Republic of Iceland first. Enjoy your read!

Unrest in Iceland - Sat 21 Oct 2006

Special Coverage of Iceland - Mon Oct 23 2006

Iceland on Brink of War - Mon Oct 23 2006

A Look into Iceland - Tues Oct 24 2006

War in Iceland - Wed Oct 25 2006

War Really Breaks Out in Iceland - Mon Oct 30 2006

Interview with Col. Andrews - Mon Oct 30 2006

President Speaks to Iceland - Fri Nov 10 2006

Transcript of Interview with Col. Andrews - Fri Nov 10 2006

War Over, But Iceland in Ruins - Mon Dec 4 2006

Socialists Receive Letter from President - Wed Dec 6 2006

Ex-Socialists Hire Private Investigators - Sat 9 Dec 2006

- Rotters Int.

posted at 11:53 AM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

COMPILATION OF NEWS ARTICLES

As our online portal is blog-styled, many of our older news articles have to be found by sieving through the monthly archives. To make reading easier, we will be categorising all our articles based on their genre. The links will be available on the right nav-bar, and this update is expected to be complete by the weekend. We appreciate your patience and hope to serving you better with more interesting reads.

- Rotters Int.

posted at 11:48 AM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

SOCIALISTS RECEIVE LETTER FROM PRESIDENT

WORLD

- reported by Osiris.

Apologies from Rotters Int., as this report should have been published days ago.

As reported earlier, all senior staff members of the Socialists Party have left the Republic of Iceland for neighbouring Republic of Jacked China. A week after they held a celebratory dinner at the Swissotel "Scamming" Merchant Court, each member received a letter signed by the President Bobby K himself.

In the letter, with the country's seal in full colour on the top left corner, President Bobby thanked the senior staff members of the Socialists for their contributions to the Republic of Iceland during their four years in the party. However he did not give a reason for his absence from the dinner, nor did he state any regrets with regards to the Socialists' departure. He also sent his best wishes to the Socialists' future endeavors ( political or not ) in the Republic of Jacked China or other countries. ( So far only one senior Socialist party member is known to have left for Hot Curry India. )

Attached with the letter was a pink form urging Socialists to make a contribution to the rebuilding of Iceland. Socialists were not amused. Said one, "The country has so much monetary reserves, why do they need our money? This is a total scam by the disgraced administration and they're not feeling ashamed about it!"

Another senior member who made a small donation was more sympathetic, "I think it's yi shi yi shi, as in just a symbol only, because Iceland doesn't need our money."

posted at 11:25 AM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

HELLO KITTY : BUBBLEGUM FRIENDS REVIEW

GAMING

- reported by Ah Fatt.

Nabei those two bastards Osiris and Da Vinci force Ah Fatt to play Hello Kitty game, and ask me to review some more, so here lor. This is the KNN review for the Hello Kitty game.

First of all hor, this PC game is by Valusoft one - cheap games value for money. Ya, so don't expect Hello Kitty to be some shiok game like Counter-Strike or Battlefield 2. The games are all puzzle-type one, with Hello Kitty and all her friends. ( that's why title called like that wad... ) But then hor, although quite easy to play one, Ah Fatt thinks this kind of game use Flash also can make. They should make it free lah. Sell for what? Cheat geenah money.

No need to say more one la. Simple puzzle games - just liddat. Ah Fatt recommend you play this only when you are feeling so sian that you are even tired of your favourite games. Don't buy it, Ah Fatt will gladly burn it for you, but you must pay Ah Fatt a bit of money la. Eh now GST going to increase, you want one better tell Ah Fatt now hor.

Na, this is some screenshots that Ah Fatt took. Even IGN also don't have lor, I think.

p.s. Ah Fatt just uninstalled the game. My computer space very precious you know or not.

posted at 7:16 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

AN IMPORTANT MESSAGE FROM ROTTERS INT.

In case you saw the Rotters Int. URL on a comic published in local gaming magazine GameAxis and hoped to get a soft copy of the 3-page action-packed thriller, the Rotters Int. team regrets to inform you that the comic will NOT be available online. This is to prevent any infringement of copyright acts which may be held by the company, and we regret any inconvenience caused.

However, if you wish to see more of the Stikfas comic strips, you may drop us an email and tell us your requests. These can be for personal or corporate uses, but each request comes with a charge of not more than $40 Sing Dollars. The team specialises in military themes, but special requests may be entertained.

Thank you.

- Rotters Int.

posted at 6:20 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

NASA TO BUILD MOON BASE; GOD LAUGHS

SCIENCE

- reported by Osiris.

The National Aeronautics and Space Administration ( NASA ) plans to return humans to the moon - an objective called for by President Bush in 2004 - including setting up a permanent outpost on the moon that would be used as a launch pad to reach Mars.

An artist's impression of a moon base. Polarity was not stated.

The outpost will either be on the North or South pole of the moon because it is 'more sunny' there, according to deputy administrator Shana Dale. Astronauts will be able to sun-bathe and play moon volleyball, which has been confirmed as one of the regular exercises the astronauts have to undertake when they leave Earth. Crops like wheat and potatoes can also be grown under sunlight to provide astronauts with a steady supply of food, in case the space shuttle Columbia explodes again.

NASA plans to send astronauts to the moon by 2008, and construction of the base is expected to complete by 2012. To facilitate the volleyball exercises, crews of five will stay on the base to enable a two teams of two with an umpire. The duration of their stay will be three weeks long and shifts are then rotated. NASA is currently experimenting with a new spacecraft which will transport the astronauts to and fro, as the flight engineers are not confident with the usage of space shuttles, which has been in service since 1981.

While NASA intends to reach Mars and search for Heinekken bars and other signs of life, the number one objective is to set-up another base to enable future visits to heaven, which is approximately a few cloud nines away. President Bush himself approved the expedition and acknowledged the need to turn to seniors for more helpful advice, after the disappointing results in the November elections. "God knows everything, and this is the time when the people of America have to see the light and be enlightened. I cannot rely on a old man to run a study group in Iraq, and thus God will prove very helpful in this case." President Bush said in an interview with Rotters Int.

"Mars is the perfect place to camp, because I love eating them bars." said chief scientist Kis Mias. "Launching from Mars would significantly decrease the distance to heaven greatly."

During a phone interview, God laughed almost hysterically when he heard about the news. "Heaven cannot be reached by any means! They think that the big bright light is my residence? You gotta be kidding - it's just my old Christmas star which I had thrown away 183 christmas-es ago!"

When asked about the assistance Bush needed, God said, "If he won't listen to his fellow old men, would he even bother learning from one who has lived ever since the first polonium appeared in the universe?"

"Heaven cannot be reached by any means! You shall not pass!"

posted at 5:25 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

MOVIE STORYBOARD FOUND

ENTERTAINMENT

- reported by Osiris.

Rotters Int. received an email with the following picture attachment.

The email claimed that it was a leaked draft storyboard from a Paramount Pictures studio which contained the first ten seconds of the movie Rainbow Six, featuring locations in Singapore. The movie project had remained stagnant ever since director John Woo left the production team, and it had been shuffled among different studios.

Rotters contacted Paramount Pictures for confirmation and more details, but instead received a negative reply. In the email, Dean Chervest wrote:

Rainbow Six is still on the drawing board, but the attached storyboard does not belong to us. In fact, we have lost all our actual storyboards due to a fire in our design studio two months ago, and we're currently working with the team on a new storyline. We regret to say that Singapore is not on the list of our locations, as we're thinking more of a European or American setting.

A tiring search to find the owner of the mystery storyboard ended when we were contacted by a young Singaporean director who declined to be named. He apologised for causing so much confusion and inconvenience with the leak of his storyboard, and also gave us some details of the actual project.

The storyboard indeed was based on Tom Clancy's novel and video game series Rainbow Six, and it was intended for a 60-second advertising video which was to be an entry for a video competition organized by Pinnacle and local magazine publisher Hardware Zone. The director acknowledged that the storyboard was a first draft, hence the shabby quality. He also told us that the story will be based entirely in Singapore, but declined to give more information, since the production team and set details have yet to be arranged.

posted at 4:49 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

Monday, December 04, 2006

CRAZY MAN AND LOUSY GAME

HOME

- reported by Ah Fatt.

Today Ah Fatt decided to go Funan Digitalife Mall to jalan-jalan for fun because the game he supposed to review somehow never come in. Seriously man, New Era damn one kind. Boss already say want review by this Sunday then New Era still take own sweet time. Think damn funny issit? Knock your head ah!

Then so Ah Fatt quite CMI, got nothing to do, so do wad? go PK computer and play Gears of War lor. Wah, ke si man, tat game the graphic chao ji pro one man! No joke. Ah Fatt see liao want to go touch the screen, like real man! But then Ah Fatt play a bit more and discover why graphic so zhai. Why leh? Because developer want to distract you from gameplay, which is damn bo yong one. Your character walk walk until so damn slow, then run that time camera shake shake shake. Ah Fatt know developer trying to be realistic but xiao issit? camera shake until Ah Fatt don't know run where then kenna shot at. Again think very funny issit? Ah Fatt last time go NS have enough of shake shake liao ok?

Then best is this, hero live in the super future with a lot of high-tech gun and armour. But hero dun wear helmet, and so how? Simple, limbei no crosshair la!! KNN man, enemy come out then limbei try to shoot but bullet fly here fly there like drunken man shoot like that. Hit everything except enemy. Wad is this man. Then precision aim that time also one stupid circle. U think this is wad gun, shotgun issit? xiao one. Limbei play online with Osiris co-op on Xbox live (he somehow got 360 in the supply drop while in Iceland ) also die how many time. Cannot think Ah Fatt play single player how man. Tmd...

So Ah Fatt very fast give up, then want to go home liao, so walking to MRT station when suddenly this old mamak come out to me and poke his walking stick at Ah Fatt's groin! Ah Fatt nearly take out his MP-5 and spray him man. That Indian man lucky Ah Fatt got a lot of tolerance and self-control. Gegao, if Ah Fatt want then Indian man gone case ok. He better be xibei grateful man. So now Ah Fatt typing this short report to inform you all go out next time be careful, don't talk to strangers and always carry a personal defense weapon. Very cheap one. Go OG buy. Ah Fatt recommend the one at People's Park, there got bigger armoury. Now we wait for Rainbow Six Vegas and pray. If not Ah Fatt go get his beng friends and raid New Era. WATCH OUT!

EDIT: ( from Osiris ) Please, Rainbow Six Vegas is supposed to be done by me ( and Da Vinci ). You better submit your Hello Kitty review. And what's up with the post today? Were you drunk while typing? It's full of grammatical errors and I have to edit them for you. I've told you countless times, the Singlish is okay, but they must be italic. And you totally forgot the capital letters too. Be focused, Ah Fatt.

posted at 7:17 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

WAR OVER, BUT ICELAND IN RUINS

WORLD

- reported by Osiris.

After a month of intense fighting in the Republic of Iceland between the Socialists and the Terrorists, the war has finally ended under controversial circumstances. And the Rotters Int. team is glad to have returned to the office in one piece. ( Ah Fatt you slacker, you still have not reviewed the Hello Kitty game. )

Although S.Rajacurry had seen some of the worst battles in the month-long war, surprisingly most of the structures in the Socialists' territory remained standing. Hundreds of Socialists' supporters gathered at a field littered with craters from the heavy artillery shelling to celebrate what was considered a victory in the fight against the Terrorists. No senior member of the Socialists party was seen.

In the capital city of Mein Blork however, things were not looking so good. The administration's headquarters was in a state of shabbles, with rubble and debris lying across the ground. Underneath concrete slabs, a bloodied hand could be seen - still clasping onto the grip of an AK-47 rifle.

A hand belonging to a dead Terrorist trapped under the rubble in Mein Blork.

While the Terrorists seemed to be gaining the upper hand on the Socialists in the early stages of the war, the tables were turned when the United States decided to intervene without the approval of the United Nations Security Council. The U.S.S Theodore Roosevelt was the forerunner in the U.S's attack, launching at least 1,800 sorties, mostly consisting of F/A-18 Super Hornets which bombarded the capital city. The Terrorist's own F-18s were no match for the American counterparts, as the I.W.V ( Information Warfare Vessel ) U.S.S Virgin Mary used a series of complex codes to disable the computers onboard the Terrorists' fighters, rendering them vulnerable to the aerial onslaught. In fact, after losing their first squadron, the Terrorists immediately grounded all aircraft to prevent heavier losses.

A US F-18 Hornet launches across the deck of USS Roosevelt.

Following the air assault, U.S forces accompanied Socialists' troops into Mein Blork and free any surviving prisoners-of-war captured by Terrorists' soldiers ( look out for soon-to-be published audio interview with a POW ). However a long chain of claymores, which when disrupted would set off a domino effect of explosions, prevented the soldiers from advancing into the heart of the capital city. They returned to S.Rajacurry with US troops on station to provide any assistance in case of a surprise attack.

The casualty toll in Mein Blork has not been released by the Icelandic government, but Rotters Int understands that the administrative staff is safe and well. The government criticized the Bush administration for interfering in what was a "internal dispute" and the aerial bombardment had caused "collateral damage". Most of the civilian victims involved were of the Godly Elite Party, a faction which had broken off the Socialists' wing. However U.S intelligence identified a number of G.E.P members as support troops for the Terrorists.

Said Mr Freddie Yo, "We are very disappointed with (Pres.) Bush for not complying with the U.N once again. Does he think we're another Iraq? Oh, I know how he got the link between us and Iraq - we both start with the letter 'I'. Screw you Bush."

The White House rejected claims that they were after minute reserves of oil stored 'somewhere in Iceland'. Instead they denounced the acts of the Terrorists as "acts of terror" and "infringement of human rights and freedom to speech". They saw the Socialists' movement as the first step to battling 'dictatorship' in what was a 'free land'.

However conflicting reports surfaced soon after the Terrorists' armies retreated from S.Rajacurry. Instead of saying that the Socialists' won the war, rumour has it that the senior staff of the Socialists' party in fact had 'given up' on the battle and fled to neighbouring Republic of Jacked China. These rumours were half-accurate - the senior party members indeed went to Jordan, but not before the fighting had stopped.

A spokesman for the Socialists' party told Rotters International that the move to Jordan had been decided on the basis that the party needed 'an ideological change', and by leaving the organization, the senior members hoped that the younger generation would be able to implement new policy changes. ( more details in soon-to-be published audio interview ) No details were revealed about future plans in the Republic of Jacked China.

The end of the fighting brought the two parties to a peace treaty, but no concrete agreement was met due to the never-ending differences between both sides. It was signed that no such internal conflict ( neither side would regard it was a civil war ) would ever take place in the Republic of Iceland again. However the powers and rights entitled to the two political factions remained unchanged, and it is rumored that the Socialists' will boycott the next Parliament meeting on 3rd January 2007.

The senior Socialists' members held a celebratory dinner at the Swissotel "Scamming" Merchant Court. An unknown number of Terrorists were somehow invited to the function, but the President Bobby K was visibly absent. He had kept his silence after meeting with the Socialists on 6th Nov, and some say he is still hiding in his bunker in the ruins of Mein Blork, oblivious to the fact that the war has already ended.

The United States has vowed to put its troops in Iceland until the country has been rebuilt. No other country has pledged any form of assistance, but the Red Cross is actively distributing food and medical supplies to victims of the conflict. President Bush has reportedly turned down requests to form an Iceland Study Group similar to the Iraqi Study Group set-up by James Baker. The American President is confident that the rebuilding process will be swift and successful, despite projections by analysts that the failure to reach an agreement may fuel another internal conflict.

posted at 6:53 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments