SCIENCE

- reported by Osiris.


The National Aeronautics and Space Administration ( NASA ) plans to return humans to the moon - an objective called for by President Bush in 2004 - including setting up a permanent outpost on the moon that would be used as a launch pad to reach Mars.




An artist's impression of a moon base. Polarity was not stated.








The outpost will either be on the North or South pole of the moon because it is 'more sunny' there, according to deputy administrator Shana Dale. Astronauts will be able to sun-bathe and play moon volleyball, which has been confirmed as one of the regular exercises the astronauts have to undertake when they leave Earth. Crops like wheat and potatoes can also be grown under sunlight to provide astronauts with a steady supply of food, in case the space shuttle Columbia explodes again.

NASA plans to send astronauts to the moon by 2008, and construction of the base is expected to complete by 2012. To facilitate the volleyball exercises, crews of five will stay on the base to enable a two teams of two with an umpire. The duration of their stay will be three weeks long and shifts are then rotated. NASA is currently experimenting with a new spacecraft which will transport the astronauts to and fro, as the flight engineers are not confident with the usage of space shuttles, which has been in service since 1981.

While NASA intends to reach Mars and search for Heinekken bars and other signs of life, the number one objective is to set-up another base to enable future visits to heaven, which is approximately a few cloud nines away. President Bush himself approved the expedition and acknowledged the need to turn to seniors for more helpful advice, after the disappointing results in the November elections. "God knows everything, and this is the time when the people of America have to see the light and be enlightened. I cannot rely on a old man to run a study group in Iraq, and thus God will prove very helpful in this case." President Bush said in an interview with Rotters Int.

"Mars is the perfect place to camp, because I love eating them bars." said chief scientist Kis Mias. "Launching from Mars would significantly decrease the distance to heaven greatly."

During a phone interview, God laughed almost hysterically when he heard about the news. "Heaven cannot be reached by any means! They think that the big bright light is my residence? You gotta be kidding - it's just my old Christmas star which I had thrown away 183 christmas-es ago!"

When asked about the assistance Bush needed, God said, "If he won't listen to his fellow old men, would he even bother learning from one who has lived ever since the first polonium appeared in the universe?"





"Heaven cannot be reached by any means! You shall not pass!"

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