TECHNOLOGY

-reported by Da Vinci

With the coming of the next-gen consoles, we usher in the new era of high-resolution graphic renditions and with that we introduce to you the first few femme fatales to have the honour and privilege to grace the Xbox 360. In this interview, Miss Joanna Dark will be returning for her second interview with us. We will also be talking to the Tomb Raider herself Miss Lara Croft as well as Spartan-458 Nicole.

Da Vinci: So, welcome to Rotters International Newswiring Agency! How are you all feeling this morning?

Croft: Very well, thank you.

Nic: All systems green. I'm cool.

Dark: Excellent! Thank you. It's good to be back here and to be talking to you instead of that other guy...what's his name? Ah.....

Da Vinci: Ah Fatt.

Dark: That's the guy! Horrendous English. Jeez...and he kept trying to hit on me. Like, get a life man!



Croft: Men are all like that.

Da Vinci: Hey hey! Okayyy...lets get back to the subject at hand. So Lara, you're first, could you give us a brief rundown of what you're doing in Tomb Raider: Legend?

Croft: Well, as you all know, I'm driven by an insane curiousity. This caused me to take up this profession of searching ancient ruins to dig up lost artifacts. This time, it starts with me returning to Bolivia, haven't been back there since I was a child. I'm looking for an ancient artifact so powerful that it could mean the end of the world. As usual, there is some rich megalomaniac looking for the same thing as me and he calls in his private army to do the dirty work for him of course. Bloody nuisance really!



Da Vinci: Wow, to defeat the load of them single-handedly sounds nasty.

Croft: Well, it comes with the job. Besides, I've got my support guys back at the mansion watching out for me as well. And, I've got my trusty twin pistols which can fire a total of 30 bullets at a time and reload automatically upon holstering. I also get to weild a variety of weapons such as the MP-5 SMG. It helps.

Da Vinci: Cool. Excellent weapon, the MP-5. Anyway, Joanna, you were the first Femme Fatale to appear on the 360 in Perfect Dark Zero. How does that compare to the old days on the N64?

Dark: Hoho...its an awesome change man! Really great, now with HD technology, I'm rendered with a much higher resolution and everything is much more detailed than before, no more polygonal, one-tone outfits. Yuck!

Da Vinci: Right on. Now Nicole, I'm very interested in your story. What happened to you? I thought the SPARTAN-II programme occurs a few hundred years in the future? And I thought Master Chief was the sole surviving Spartan after the Fall of Reach.

Nic: Affirmative. I was not part of the Fall of Reach. I was captured by ONI (Office of Naval Intelligence) when I was a young girl on Mars and was recruited for the SPARTAN-II programme. It was a success and I was transformed into a supersoldier, highly trained in all forms of combat. As for how I ended up on early 21st century Earth, I was onboard an ONI stealth vessel when a freak timeslip occurred, sucking the entire ship back in time.

Da Vinci: I see, that's a really nice suit you're wearing. What is it?

Nic: This is a modified Mjolnir Bio-mechanical armour suit. All Spartans wear one, the only humans who wear these are the Helljumpers and even then, their's does not come with active camouflage and regenerative shields.

Da Vinci: But I heard you do not have the shield in DOA 4, why?

Nic: Here is where it gets complicated. As I'm in the past now, I'm not allowed to kill anyone as it could affect history. Hence I cannot use any accurate weaponry. I turned off the shield to even the odds a bit. I still retain my honour as a soldier you know.

Da Vinci: Admirable indeed, though I hear you have a nasty plasma grenade attack.

Nic: Haha, THAT! Well...lets say the people over at DOA 4 are really good and I think I gave them a bit too much advantage so I decided to bring in some toned down plasma grenades to tilt the odds in my favour a bit. Hey, that's why you have to unlock me man! What I do is I grab the enemy by the collar of his outfit and I stick a plasma grenade onto his/her chest before kicking him/her away and watch as the grenade explodes. Nice!



Da Vinci: Right on...now girls, what is your reaction to the increasing competition and number of hot babes entering the next-gen gaming scene right now. A good example would be Rumble Roses XX.

Dark: That game is just a pure, baseless slut fest targetting the male gamers. People will just buy that to ogle at the girls' heaving bosoms as they wrestle each other. Pathetic.

Croft: I agree, I believe games should retain a degree of sensibility and maintain a high level of innovative gameplay, a good plot and excellent, well-developed characters. That is the secret behind the success of this Tomb Raider game despite the decline of the series over the years. People remember me and how good the original game was when it first came out. Hence, they are willing to give me and crystal dynamics a try.

Nic: Affirmative on that. If I had it my way, I'd get my AI programme to enter the primitive earth global digital network and eradicate all forms of lousy gameplay featuring lousy gameplay. I have no problems with more Femme Fatales appearing in the gaming scene, but come on, the developers cannot just use high-res cleavage to sucker gamers.

Da Vinci: Interesting viewpoint. Thank you ladies for this interview and I hope to see you soon.

Dark, Croft and Nic: Thank you. It was a pleasure.

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TECHNOLOGY

- reported by Osiris.

The June holidays are fast approaching, and what better way to spend your time than playing the best video games around? Two days ago, Osiris, in place of Ah Fatt who was in a pre-elections foul mood, caught up with two game characters of Ubisoft's latest game titles at E2MAX @ Cineleisure Orchard where they were promoting the release of their new games. Yes readers, Splinter Cell's Sam Fisher and Ghost Recon's Sgt. Mitchell were in town, and here's an exclusive interview with the two of them!

Osiris: Thank you gentlemen, for taking time out to join me in this interview.

Fisher: Oh no. It's not a problem. In fact we do enjoy talking to someone who actually bothers to listen to us.

Osiris: Hmm? What do you mean?

Mitchell: Well he's saying that most of the people here are either interested in playing the games here than listen to us talk or worse still, they don't understand what we're saying!

Osiris: I guess you have to see what's the kind of people who come here to play...

Fisher: ( scans the place and spots a group of teenagers wearing slanted caps and carrying skateboards ) I guess you're right.

Mitchell: Affirmative, Fisher.

Osiris: Ok, so can you tell me more about your new games? Starting with you... Mr Fisher.

Mitchell: Hey! Why does he get to go first?

Osiris: Hush up. We're saving the best for the last.

Mitchell: I see... ( grins widely at Fisher. )

Fisher: What? Are you trying to imply that my game sucks? That's very mean of you...

Osiris: No, I mean that Sergeant Mitchell's game is much bigger than yours and he will have much more to talk about, so I'll let him speak after you.

Fisher: Okay... well my latest game Splinter Cell Essentials is only released for the Playstation Portable...

Mitchell: See? It's only released on one small console...

Fisher: Don't interrupt me when I'm talking, soldier.

Mitchell: Yes sir.

Fisher: Anyway, as I was saying, the game is only released on the PSP where the capablities of the console are being pushed to the limits. To be honest, Essentials was actually meant to be a follow-up game to Double Agent but since SC4's release had to be delayed till September, we decided to release the PSP game as a preview to SCDA. All the levels in SCE are specially designed for the PSP.






Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell : Essentials











Osiris: What are the missions in SCE?

Fisher: They are basically flash-backs of my past missions, never before seen in any of my previous titles. These include me back in the good old days as a Navy SEAL in Columbia and also my first missions as a Splinter Cell.



Sam Fisher in the beginning of his Splinter Cell career.







Osiris: What about the preview to Double Agent which you mentioned earlier?

Fisher: Well there is the first mission of Double Agent in Essentials, where I have to team-up with fellow jailmate Jamie Washington to break out of prison. Then there is also a sneak preview of Splinter Cell 5's storyline in the last mission, where I have to break into the NSA HQ...




Sam Fisher walks about freely in prison.







Osiris: What for? This sounds pretty exciting. Could you tell us more about the storyline in Essentials?

Fisher: I will only talk as much as Ubisoft permits me. ( Clears his throat ) Basically at the beginning of the game gamers will find me being interrogated by a government agent by the name of Blake. I am wanted for the murder of my boss Col. Irving Lambert and the allegation is that I killed him because he knew that 'I was going to betray the agency', which of course was bullshit.

Osiris: Did you actually kill Lambert?

Fisher: I did, but my motive was not what Blake was claiming. Of course it was a wrong deed, but it had to be done. I cannot tell you more about it till you've played the game.

Osiris: Fair enough. What other features are there in SCE, like multiplayer?

Fisher: Yes, there is a Spy versus Spy mode which is playable on wireless. This multiplayer mode is also available on selected platforms of Double Agent.

Osiris: Cool attack moves and gadgets...they're all in, I suppose.

Fisher: Yep, everything is inside that small card, plus a whole lot more. It'll be one of the best PSP games you've ever played.



Sam Fisher delivers an Omega Punch Strike.







Osiris: Thank you, Sam. And now to you, Sergeant Mitchell.

Mitchell: Yes yes, my game is going to revolutionise the whole gaming experience, espcially on the Xbox 360. The graphics are so realistic and the sounds.. Ohh you'll love those explosions.

Osiris: Tell us more about the storyline first.

Mitchell: Alright. I am the Ghost Leader, and Ghost Recon fans would remember me from Ghost Recon 2, which to be honest wasn't a really good GR game. This time, Ubisoft has made it right. The Ghosts, who are America's elite Special Forces, are tasked to provide protection in Mexico City as the US and Mexican Presidents and Canadian Prime Minister sign a new treaty. However a rogue army storms in and kills the Prime Minister, then captures the American Presidents. So our job is to rescue the President and prevent the rogue army from using stolen nuclear codes.



















Osiris: Very interesting, but don't you think it's kind of mean to Canada.

Mitchell: Nah, the developers had no ill intention of killing off the Prime Minister but that's how the story has to unfold.

Osiris: Okay, just now you were talking about graphics and such...

Mitchell: Affirmative. The graphics are astounding on all platforms, but the best is the Xbox 360 version where it really pushes the console to next-gen level. That's how it earned highest ratings for a Xbox 360 game. The game is very neat and pretty. And very high-tech as well. My helmet is the fitted with cross-com technology which allows me to view what my team-mates are looking at and also communicate with my mission communicators. During the course of the mission, I can also call in Apache airstrikes on armoured targets when we're pinned down. We can even deploy UAVs when available to scout on enemy positions.





Unmanned Aerial Vehicle for reconnaisance.








Osiris: Awesome. That's what a war game should feel like. Realistic.

Mitchell: Exactly. Of course I'll have to admit that the A.I. of my team-mates needs some serious touching up. For example, when I fire a bazooka at a target, my team-mate is standing in front of me. But well, they still do shoot pretty well and could save your lives at times.



The Xbox version of GRAW features first-person-shooter gameplay instead of the third-person-shooter on the Xbox 360.










Osiris: I guess owners of the Xbox 360 must get this game...

Mitchell: Of course they have to, or else they will never know what is a true Xbox 360 game. Forget Perfect Dark Zero or any other Xbox 360 shooter game - get Ghost Recon Advanced Warfighter! And if you only have a PC, do not fret, 'cause the PC version is going to be released soon and is just as awesome! Just make sure that you have at least 1GB of RAM and a powerful graphics card.





The PC version will be released in May.









Fisher: I copy that, soldier.

Osiris: Alright, that concludes our interview. Thank you both of you for joining me in today's interview and we hope to see your next titles soon.

Fisher: Roger that, Osiris.

Mitchell: Read you loud and clear.

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Apologies to all our readers, but Ah Fatt has declined to write an article for his column this week because he will only rant about the elections and local politics, which will of course get him a lengthy term behind bars and a good spanking on his bottom.

Please kindly give Ah Fatt a week to cool down. Your co-operation is greatly appreciated.

- Rotters International

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SPORTS

- reported by Osiris.

The 2006 Jungle Olympics concluded on yesterday night with a few surprising results.

Lion King and his pride of powerful big cats won the overall competition again with a 66% winning rate, but it was their opponents who impressed well.

In the swimming category, Lion King, with his team of fast-swimming lions, took the gold for the 6 X 50m triple stroke relay, where the competitors had to swim freestyle, butterfly and breaststroke in each lap. The lions' rivals, the chimpanzees, lost the race by a narrow margin of 33.9s. The average age of the ape swimmers were under 33, compared to the average of 48 years of the lions. Although visibly diasppointed by the loss, captain of the chimpanzee swimming team Simon Lorez was still pleased with the results.

"Yes, we have lost. But inside the hearts of all of us, we are very proud of our achievements because although we fielded a young and inexperienced team, we have still managed to lose by a relatively small margin. Not to forget, we were fighting with the king [ lion king ] himself, so this was really a good experience for the swimmers and we would definitely come back to compete in the next olympics. We also would like to thank our supporters who had come all the way from Africa to support us in our competition. Without their continuous support, we would not have been able to come this far."






Simon Lorez, captain of the chimpanzee swimming team, thinking about his team's performance in the swimming competition.














Lion King proud of his team's win in the swimming tri-stroke relay.


















The 6 X 400m relay on the track was also won by the big cats. The team, comprising of the fast-paced cheetahs, won the hyenas by 31.3s. Team captain Terence C. Hunt was delighted on winning the race and attributed the win to both his team-mates and the supporters who came down to the stadium to cheer the runners on.



Captain Terence Hunt in action during the relay.














Captain Damien Long ( right ) of the hyena team consoles young team member Edmund Owen after their loss in the relay.









The big cats won another 6-member event, the 6-a-side rugby competition. This was the biggest victory achieved by the big cats in the 6-member events, with the tigers scoring 76 tries while the buffalos could only manage 23. Captain Ken Boris Watson of the Tigers was jubilant after thrashing the buffalos and congratulated his team on their magnificent performance.




Captain Ken Boris Watson.








"It's been a great day for the team. We played well, both in attacking and defending. The strikers were able to take our opponents by surprise in the early stages of the game and after we had scored twenty tries, we had already crippled the opponents' morale. And we defended good enough to prevent any hopeful counter-attack by the opposition. Another job well done."


The buffaloes dismayed by their team's loss at the rugby event.










Now to the 5-member events. The big cats once again crushed their opponents' hopes of attaining any gold medals by winning the ice hockey, gymnastics, basketball and 5 X 200m track relay competitions. In particular, the basketball match was a very tense one with both sides playing well. In the end the pumas won the chimpanzees by a narrow scoreline of 56 to 44.


Puma Linda H. Hadley attempts to shoot a 3-pointer.








Sharon Lohan, captain of the chimpanzees' basketball team, was happy that the team could put up a tough fight against their stronger opponents. She said that it was the 'determination and concentration' of the team which evolved into a remarkable result. However she also lamented that her team was wasteful at times when they should have scored more points. The chimpanzees' commendable effort has given Lohan a chance to win the 'best captain' award. Despite their loss, the chimps have vowed to compete in the basketball competition again in the next Olympics.




Captain Sharon Lohan vows to 'fight back' in the next Olympics.












Out of the nine individual events, the big cats only lost two, and those were the events which they had not won in the past Olympics as well. Chimpanzee Lawrence T. Knight beat Jaguar Eugene Laker 6-2, 6-3 in the tennis singles to secure his fourth consecutive Olympic gold medal. In table tennis, despite preliminary cunning play by Leopard Simon Y. Pean, he was outwitted by Wolf Clarence S. Tree with his slow and patient counter moves which left Pean in a state of confusion and impatience as he tried again and again to attack Tree with killer moves. Scores: 21-14, 21-16, 21-15. Tree won retained his gold medal for the sixth consecutive Olympics.


Chimp Lawrence Knight readies himself for the tennis match.












Jag Eugene Laker hiding himself from the cameras after his loss in the tennis match.













Leopard Simon Pean is distraught after his second loss to Wolf Clarence Tree in the table tennis event.









A jubilant Clarence gives his victory call after winning his sixth gold medal in the table tennis event.









Here are the scores for the rest of the events:

Bowling: Lion Thomas H. Poll beat Gazelle Liam H. Dean

Canoeing: Panther Gregory K. Yeltson beat Fox Shawn Connelly

Fencing: Lion Craig S. Sorano beat Chimpanzee Titus B. Shannon

Ice-skating: Tiger Michael Yang beat Wolf Sade K. Timonthy

Javelin: Lion O' Alfred Harry beat Fox Lionel C. Wade

Sailing: Jaguar Harry P. K. beat Chimpanzee Paul L. Good

Shooting: Lynx Sean H. Trump beat Hyena Yang Y. Wiltord.

Comparing this year's Olympics to the previous prestigious sporting event in 2001, it is noticed that although the big cats have won the majority once again, their opponents are beginning to close up the gap, especially seen in the basketball match. Is this a sign that the big cats are faltering? Sports analyst James Ray of the Penguin Parade gives us his verdict.

"I don't think the big cats are experiencing a drop in their performance. Rather it's the other teams who have improved tremendously since the last Olympics. Especially the chimps, they have shown character and leadership while they compete in the sports with quality skills and I think in the next Olympics, we would see a fiercer competition than this year. Hopefully the rest of the teams will be able to win a few more medals from the big cats."





James Ray from the Penguin Parade, before leaving on a voyage.

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