- By Ah Fatt.

The hot topic these two weeks is the Commonwealth Games in Melbourne, Australia. There's news coverages everyday and even live telecasts on tv, but Ah Fatt just not interested to watch.

Not that Ah Fatt is not patriotic of my country. I love Singapore - this is where I can buy my Hainanese chicken rice and laksa and also go to NTUC to do my marketing. If not for Lee Kwan Yew and his PAP, I won't be here talking to you today. I love Singapore for its uniqueness, though I think there should be a better motto the Tourism Board can come up with than "Uniquely Singapore". So boring and difficult to pronounce.

But then, while the media is so hyped-up over our country winning 5 gold medals in table tennis, I dun think it's something worth celebrating. Take a look at the line-up, almost everyone in the women's team is tong kok lang, aka PRC people. They aren't true Singaporeans, even if they have obtained PR or citizenship. True Singaporeans means you are born in Singapore and your father is born in Singapore. Your Ah Gong is another story la, but what I'm trying to say here is that we should try and nurture more local talent rather than scouting overseas for talent and enticing them to come to Singapore. Now Government set-up Sports School, it should make things easier for Sports Council what... Not as if Singapore very lousy in sports lor... ok maybe we're damn CMI ( cannot make it ) in soccer, but we've still got pros in golf, sailing, shooting etc. The Government should further develop our young talents so that next time when we go for overseas competitions and win a medal, we need not be so embarassed of fielding a non-Singaporean team.





The tong kok za boh in the table tennis team haolian-ing their gold medals.








Just like soccer now la. See the EPL and La Liga, got so many foreign players playing for the local clubs. But that one is unrelated la, and I don't want to say further, because the club Ah Fatt supports also got a lot of non-English players. Pai seh...

Not enough time liao, Ah Fatt must go now. See you all next Sunday.

Ah Fatt is Rotters International's very chee-bye Singapore correspondent.

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WORLD

- reported by Osiris.

Yesterday was the start of Canada's contentious seal hunt on the Gulf of St. Lawrence, which has sparked up much controversy after the methods used to kill the seals were widely publicized. Reporters and activists tried to get as close as permitted but their presence angered the hunters, who attacked the group in retaliation.

One sealing vessel charged up to a small inflatable boat carrying protesters and a fisherman flung seal intestines at them.

"They threw carcasses at our Zodiac and they came rushing at us in their boat and tried to capsize us in the wake," Rebecca Aldworth of the Humane Society told the Associated Press. "This is standard behavior out there; the hunters feel that they're completely above the law."

The hunters prefer to use spiked clubs called hakapiks to crush the seals' skulls, rather than possibly damaging the pelts with a bullet to the brain. While the practice appears barbaric to some, veterinarians insist the pick is more humane and efficient?

Efficient? You guys are supposed to save animals and here you are saying that the pick is more efficient in killing seals?

Seals are an endangered species as a result of excessive poaching for their meat, skin and blubber. However the fishermen in the isolated island comunities of Quebec and Newfoundland say the hunt supplements their meager winter incomes, particularly since cod stocks have dwindled dramatically during the past decade. They resent animal activists, who they say have little understanding of their centuries-old traditions.




A seal pup.







Now I see, it's because of you old bastards' centuries-old traditions that killed off so many seals in that timespan of 500 years. Bloody Canadians.

The hunt brought $14.5 million in revenue last year, after some 325,000 seals were slaughtered. Fisherman sell their pelts, mostly for the fashion industry in Norway, Russia and CHINA, as well as blubber for oil, earning about $60 per seal.

The federal government maintains Canada's seal population is healthy and abundant, with a population of 6 million in the Arctic north and maritime provinces. That figure has yet to be proven by researchers. Don't you think 6 million is a ridiculous figure? How did they count all those seals in the freezing temperatures of the Arctic? They used mathematics similar to the method Mr Bean used to count sheep in "Good night, Mr Bean", estimating the number of seals per land area and multiplying it up. As if that way is very accurate. In fact, it seems that the number of seal pups are declining, as according to John Grady, an animal activist. He says he has seen fewer pups on the ice and many have probably died through drowning. Protesters are now calling for a decrease in the 325,000 quota to make up for the natural deaths.

The worse thing is that there are regulations in place for the hunting. Sealers are required to quickly kill the seals with a pick or bullet to the brain. The pups must also be over 2-3 weeks old and have shed their white downy fur before being killed.

Celebrities have even voiced their discontent with the seal hunting. Paul McCartney and his wife had travelled to Gulf of St. Lawrence two weeks ago to pose with the newborn pups. In a video message, the McCartneys proposed that Canada could end the slaughter by offering a license payback program to sealers. French film legend Brigitte Bardot went to Ottawa earlier this week and said she was stunned that a developed nation would let such a practice continue, three decades after she first came to Canada to frolic with some pups in an attempt to end the slaughter.

Rotters Int. was very fortunate to have the opportunity to speak to a seal and its hunter, but not before we were had some guts thrown at us as well. On an ice pan far from human activity, we spoke to Robert, a 2-week-old seal.






Robert the 2-week-old seal.









Rotters Int. : Hi Robert, are you afraid of the hunters?

Robert : Yes of course, that's why I'm hiding here where those bastards won't be able to find me. I've already lost my brother to them so I know what it's like to be captured.

Rotters Int. : Are you taking any preventive measures against being hunted?

Robert: Unfortunately, no. There's nothing which I can do except to be on the constant lookout for the hunters.

Rotters Int. : Do you wish to send a message to Mankind while you are still alive?

Robert: STOP KILLING US!

Rotters Int. : Very well...

Robert : Oh shit, I see one coming! I gotta go!

( Hunter walks up towards reporter with a pick in hand. )

Hunter : You see any seal around here?

Rotters Int. : Erm...no. Sorry.

Hunter : Don't try to fool me, you son-of-a-bitch. You think a old hag like me won't be able to see these tracks on the ice? You are what? Another one of those fucking activists?

Rotters Int. : No, I'm a reporter...

Hunter : Good! I would like you to quote me.

Rotters Int. : Go ahead.

Hunter : You all bloody animal-loving pussy-activists, stop disrupting our daily lives here! We're just trying to make a living. There's no fish here so we have to find other sources of food. Put your ass here for just one day and I bet you gotta find some seals to eat if you don't wanna die of cold and hunger. You hear me?

Rotters Int. : Yes sir, I've written everything that you've just said. Now I have a question for you, don't you think what you all do is very cruel?

Hunter : ( Suddenly bursts into tears ) Yes...actually I don't wanna kill them seals. Everytime I run to them and raise that fucking pick...I look down and see their cute little faces with eyes that plead to you not to hit their heads. But if I don't do what I do, then one day when I go home I won't be able to see those cute little faces of my children...'cause times would be even tougher.
Rotters Int. : Ok...

Hunter : ( raises his pick ) NOW WHERE'S THAT FUCKING SEAL, YOU MORON?

( The hunter spots Robert trying to reach the sea )

Hunter : There you are! ( runs over to Robert ) No no you're not going anywhere! ( Plunges the pick into Robert's head. Robert lies motionless on the ice floor. )

Hunter : Ah Ha Ha! Another sweet sixty-five bucks!






The hunter and Robert.












( Our reporter left the place in disgust. )

Rotters Int. also spoke to a fashion designer in China.

Rotters Int. : Is it true that seals' pelts are a fashion trend in China?

Fashion Designer : Noooooo.....

Rotters Int. : Really?

Fashion Designer : Stop wasting my time, you wang ba dan. I've got business to do.

Rotters Int. : Ok, sorry. Hmm... your clothes look quite nice. Too bad I didn't bring my credit card.

Fashion Designer : Never mind, you seem like nice guy, I give you a seal coat for free! Made with good quality fur from Ca..Ca...Car...

Rotters Int. : Canada.

Fashion Designer : Yes! Yes! Wow, you are so clever!




Chinese fashion designer and his mobile shop. Bloody cheater Chinese bastards...








Osiris is an animal-lover who does not eat shark's fin. He hopes that everyone will not buy products made from endangered animals and also stop eating shark's fin. He believes that when the buying stops, the killing can too.

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WORLD

- reported by Osiris.

A South Carolina fugitive who was on the run after sexually assaulting two 17-year-old girls has been arrested after turning up at a relative's house.

Apparently 47-year-old Kenneth Hinson felt thirsty after running through the woods from his residence and reached his relative's house. He thought he might be safe there but it turned out that his relative turned him in to the police, who had been hot on his trail after receiving the 911 call from the girls who were assaulted by Hinson.

When the police finally caught him after 4 days of intense searching, Hinson did not put up any resistance, but he was obviously very thirstly as he asked a police officer for more water. His relative had not given him any since he turned up at her house.

The police officer gave him bottled mineral water before taking him to the police station.

Hinson was charged with two counts of kidnapping, two counts of first-degree sexual assault and two counts of assault and battery with intent to kill. The judge denied him bail and also did not forget to charge the defendant $1.29 for the bottle of mineral water.

The payment was later raised when Hinson requested for a glass water, which he then accidentally spilled onto the prosecutor's notes. Besides paying an additional $5000 for the damages incurred, Hinson was further charged with one count of intentional vandalism.

The jury's decision will be made on the 22nd of March.





Kenneth Hinson

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Starting from today, Ah Fatt will be having his weekly column which will feature in Rotters Int. on every Sunday.

I dont' know what has gotten to our younger generation these days leh. Now all so violent, vulgar and dirty-minded, they seem to be the evidence of the flaws of our education system.

I'm talking about the infamous "Tammy video" lah. You think I go to that guai lan Guantamano....eh no, Guantamono, eh no, err Guantanamo Bay for so long then I don't know what happened back in Singapore ah? You know the prison inside still got computers and internet one leh, but then when you use the prison guards will watch over you la.

So I checked the Straits Times forum and saw this thread "Tammy...WTF?". I thought it was related to Tammy Flu but after I clicked then I realised what really happened.

Wah.. Of course I was tempted to go and search for the video la...you know prison is damn sian one lor, they lock you up in this cell without any windows and only open up when they want to interrogate you again. All your pleasures and desires are deprived; the only thing close to porn was the group shot of naked Taliban people. I tell you, that incident was very sick. I don't like it. Luckily they never ask me to take part.

So I tried to type in "Tammy NYP video" in Google, but that ang moh keep looking at my computer monitor, so in the end I just surfed CNN lor.

Firstly, I think the girl is damn suay to have her phone stolen, then her precious video uploaded to the net.

Secondly, I don't undertstand why she could think of filming her "bed-activity' with her boyfriend. Don't forget, she's only 17-years-old leh. This reflects how much our younger generation already know. Maybe next time my son will know everything about the birds and the bees when he's just born. But whether I'll even get married is another question which we'll leave aside.

When I walk on the streets, I never fail to hear the words "Fuck", "Kanina", "Ji Bai" and such vulgarities, then when I thought that they had come from the mouth of a typical coffee-shop Ah Pek, I would be shocked to find students still clad in their uniforms, regardless of their age and gender. Some even come from reputable institutions; once I saw this boy clad in white top and blue three-quarter pants shouting into his phone, "Eh you fucking ji bai, I wait for you like twenty minutes you still haven't come, you damn guai lan you know." And come to think that students from his school should speak in fluent English.

I don't really have much to say about the education system in Singapore. One, I don't really like the idea of the-you-know-what-race heading the ministry, and second I think Singapore on one hand is trying to open up but then they still damn si-si. Where the fuck is our chewing gum, may I ask?

I really like the idea of me having a column, 'cause this is where I can really post my thoughts. You asking me to blog? No thanks. Ah Fatt got better things to do than doing something which is damn risky in Singapore. Just mention something taboo and your ass will get fried by the Government. And I think mine won't taste good, so why take the risk?

Ah Fatt is Rotters International's very chee-bye Singapore correspondent.

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Rotters International wishes to apologize to all readers who have been relatively pissed by the fact that we have not updated our news site for a month. The fact that all our correspondents have been sent to Guantanamo Bay caused the temporary shutdown of this site.

But not to worry, after days of gruelling interrogation and torture by United States Marines, we are proud to say that we have been released from the prison in one piece and can now return to work.

However R.I. also wishes to inform all readers about another temporary closure in May, the reason being that we will be conducting our annual general meeting.

Regards,
Osiris

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