WORLD

- reported by Osiris.

Osiris spoke to Colonel Andrews Hang-Sheng of the Terrorists Army a few hours ago in this exclusive interview. Listen now! Full transcript to come soon.

"Interview with Col. Andrews"

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WORLD

- reported by Osiris, Mein Blork, Iceland.

Five days since a Globemaster jet carrying supplies for the Socialists was shot down by the Terrorists, the first gunshots were heard outside the refugee camp in S.Rajacurry. Soon after, infantry exchanged fire while Terrorists' tanks fired upon temporary shelters housing hundreds of civilians. The casualty toll is yet to be disclosed.

Socialist F-22 fighters bombed key structures in the capital city of Mein Blork, destroying a communications tower in the process. With the lack of modern communications equipment, Terrorist military commanders have to resort to giving orders using a loudhailer on the podium. Despite the installation of the anti-aircraft defenses, no F-22 jet has been shot down during the inital bombing runs this morning. The Terrorists are currently preparing their runways for the launch of their own F-18 Strike Hornets to counter the F-22s.



A Terrorist F-18 pilot prepares to exit his aircraft after a successful practice flight.







The United States issued a statement at 1000hrs local time. According to the spokesman for the White House, the United States will not support either faction in the Icelandic war. Contrary to the report by Da Vinci five days ago, the US has made it clear that its military reinforcements in the region are only to aid in the neutralization of the conflict, and that the soldiers have been instructed to only return fire when fired upon. The USS Roosevelt Carrier Battle Group is in the area to conduct surveillance of Iceland, and also to provide supplies for the refugees caught between the lines. The CBG also established a naval blockade preventing ships from entering or leaving Icelandic waters.

Despite the statement made by the White House, the Terrorists highly suspect that US forces were working with the Socialists to overthrow the administration. Said a top-ranking official, "The Americans tell lies. Our IT Dept. intercepted radio transmissions from the Socialists' pilots, and these were actually being relayed to a coordinator onboard a US E-2C Hawkeye aircraft. If the Americans are not involved directly in this conflict, then why are they interfering with the Socialists mission?"

Neither a Socialist nor an American official could be reached for comment.



An E-2C Hawkeye, similar to the one spotted by Terrorists, prepares for take-off aboard the USS Roosevelt in Icelandic waters.








Although the fighting has already broken out, the administration is still giving the Socialists the option to surrender and sign a truce. However after having been cheated by the Terrorists once, the Socialists are not believing a single word from the administration anymore. Still, the Terrorists believe that given the immense firepower of their 66th Armour Division at S.Rajacurry, the Socialists will be forced to comply and surrender.

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WORLD

-reported by Da Vinci, S. Rajacurry refugee camp, Republic of Iceland.

War has broken out in the Republic of Iceland, a small supposedly democratic nation in the middle of nowhere. The first shot of the war was fired by the Terrorists. Early in the morning, a C-17 Globemaster III transport aircraft chartered by the International Red Cross was delivering supplies to the S. Rajacurry airbase when a SAM site located on the outskirts of the capital city Mein Blork launched a salvo of missiles which hit the aircraft on the fuselage, causing it to explode in midair.

This sudden attack was justified by the Terrorists as necessary as they had to cut off all aid which could be used by the Socialist, regardless of whether the aid was meant for the country as a whole or not. According to an anonymous source within the Terrorist regime, the decision to destroy the Globemaster was made because it carried sensitive equipment which could aid the Socialists in their cause. The unnamed source was quoted as saying that while the destruction of the aircraft from the Red Cross was "regrettable", it was inevitable because anything that could aid the Socialist must be utterly obliterated from the face of the earth and he ended off with a cackle.

This incident has been condemned by the international community. An emergency meeting of the UNSC was convened and resolution 1337 was passed authorising the USA and the UK to aid in the preservation of democracy in the Republic of Iceland. A joint statement by officials from the Foreign Ministry in the UK and the US State Department announced that aid, both military and medical, was being airlifted with the greatest of haste to Iceland.

At the time of publishing, elements of the 22nd SAS regiment attached to the British carrier parked off the Icelandic coast landed at the S. Rajacurry airbase. At the same time, 2 Pavelow Special Forces helicopters piloted by members of the 160th Special Operations Air Regiment (SOAR) carrying Operators from the US Army's 1st Operational Detachment Delta (Delta Force) landed at the helipad at the airbase. They will be assisting in the Socialists' fight for independance on the coming months. Apart from that, the USA has also pledged an entire Marine Division to aid the Socialists should the need arise. They are currently holding position in the UK. At the meantime, the 1st Carrier Battle Group of the USA has just arrived and is ready to assist as well.








A Pavelow Helicopter drops off Delta Force Operators.








Somehow, despite the heavy reinforcements that arrived, the Terrorists seemed unfazed and declared that they would raze the Socialist infidels to the ground. They have already placed troops on the ground and tanks are slowly converging on the S. Rajacurry refugee camp. Intense fighting is expected to break out soon as the soldiers of the Socialist party dig in and prepare to defend their home turf.

In other news, a second aircraft, this time carrying President Bobby K has landed at the international airport off Mein Blork. Unconfirmed reports state that this aircraft also came under fire by anti-aircraft batteries though this time it is hard to point the finger at who did it. The President did nothing to settle the conflicts between the 2 warring parties and instead chose to leave the country for great periods of time to buy Kois.

More updates coming your way as we report live from the frontlines.

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WORLD

- reported by Osiris, in Republic of Iceland.

Here is a detailed explanation of the politics in the Republic of Iceland and the history of events which has led to the current situation in the country.

The Republic of Iceland gained independence from the British in 1823 and the Colonial rulers left two political parties to govern the country, the Socialists and the Terrorists. However it was the latter who received the required funding from the Queen of England, and since then has been the only party to rule Iceland, because there are no elections in the country.

The Socialists constitute a huge fraction of the number of seats in Parliament, more than the Terrorists. However despite their advantage in numbers, their voice is seldom heard, and most of Iceland's policies are implemented by their rivals in power.

Relations between the two parties have never been good, but in the years before current President Bobby K came into power, it seemed that the administration had seen the need to defuse the ticking time bomb between them and the Socialists. A resolution, known as Xbox Tournie, was drafted by then-Head of Security Paulo Limsky in 2004 to give the Socialists more freedom, but it was rejected by other senior members of the Terrorists who felt that the resolution had no real meaning and need not be implemented in the first place. Other Presidents known for taking important steps to improve ties between the two parties include the legendary Philips Liao and E.Weejaysing.

In recent years, the Socialists have been largely divided into two unofficial factions, the Socialist Elites and the Godly-Elite Party, the latter naming themselves so because they are a small fraction of the Socialists who think they are better equipped with skills for critical-thinking and making speeches than their counter-parts. The Socialist Elites, on the other hand, think that the G.E.P are just exaggerating their abilities and in some ways have demonstrated queer behavior in Parliament. The principle of all members of the S.E is that all Socialists are equal and should be united to fight against the troubles caused by the Terrorists.

Since the arrival of Bobby K in late 2004, the differences between the S.E and G.E.P have widened alarmingly. The S.E even accused the G.E.P of sharing confidential information with the Terrorists, which has resulted in a counter-sabotage on many of the Socialists' activites. Policies which the Socialists have planned so hard for many months in a bid to create a 'shock-and-awe' impact on the ruling party have even been rejected successfully with devastating results. The Godly-Elite Party deny any relations between them and the Terrorists, and proclaim that despite their differences, the Socialist Elites and Godly-Elite Party are still one party.

In May this year, the Terrorists ordered the reunification of the Socialists, claiming that the splitting up of the opposition party would result in one more party and this would then be a defiance of the Constitution, implemented one week after the Terrorists came into power. However it was a fruitless effort as the S.E and G.E.P continued their quarrels while putting up a show during Parliament.

War broke out in the fall of 2005, when neighbouring Catholic Holy State launched a series of mortar attacks onto Iceland, in what was a 'retaliation against Icelandic Protestant assaults on Catholic tourists at a Kentucky Fried Chicken outlet in the town of Birshank'. President Bobby K started reconstruction efforts to rebuild the war torn country, using funds from the country's reserve bank. Progress was slow, and early this month the Socialists were moved to a small refugee camp on the barren grassland of S.Rajacurry. The Socialists showed their displeasure at the move by initiating a massive riot, emptying fire extinguishers and knocking down a NEC projector in the process. The Socialist Elites quickly constructed an airbase next to the refugee camp to defend their buildings of interest and also provide a landing area for supply aircraft, mostly from the Red Cross. The Godly-Elite Party, on the other hand, were not to be seen in the refugee camp and the S.E suspects that the administration had kept them safely with the Terrorists.

The riot prompted the Terrorists to denounce the Socialists for not being appreciative of the administration efforts, and also delcare that the Socialists were sending out a signal to them for a much 'harsher' treatment. Shortly after this declaration, it was discovered that the Socialists' webpage on server Uncyclopedia.org had been removed and banned from rebuilding. This angered the Socialists who felt that their freedom of speech, among other rights, had been violated. A clear violation of the Istimewa Treaty signed in August 2005, the Socialists decided to take matters into their own hands and show the Terrorists that the administration was incapable of leading the country.

A declaration of war has yet to be heard from the Socialists, but according to Da Vinci who is on the frontlines of the soon-to-be-begun battle, there have been more military preparations with soldiers gearing up and tanks already rolling towards the capital city of Mein Blork. Stay tuned as Da Vinci will be reporting shortly.

posted at 4:08 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

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Monday, October 23, 2006

ICELAND ON BRINK OF WAR

WORLD

-reported by Da Vinci, somewhere in Iceland.

As mentioned earlier by Osiris, the Republic of Iceland teeters on the brink of war as years of dispute between both parties comes to a head with the Terrorists declaring that a signal has been sent by the Socialists for the Terrorist to take extreme measures to rectify their "wrongdoings". A spokesman for the Terrorists, wishing to be identified only as T., Desmonde, told Rotters that they have reminded the Socialists time and again to adhere to the extremist code of conduct known as the RPoH ad nauseum but to no avail. As such, they have no choice but to act with extreme prejudice against these people. Their leader, the mysterious E.D., only wishes to comment that he does not know what is wrong with these Socialists but that they are in the wrong and must be taught a lesson. He urges his "colleagues" to do the right thing.

At the time of publishing, this reporter is with an Integrated Counter-Sniper (I.C.S) team of the I.C.C at an undisclosed sniper nest where he has a clear view of the Terrorists' HQ with the aid of high-powered binoculars. A sniper manning a Barrett M82A1 Sniper Rifle with a 10x Unertl scope accompanies him. The Administration Block 1 is in clear view and members of the Terrorists' infamous anti-socialist unit, known as the Republic of Iceland Policing Bureau (R.I.P.B), can be seen patrolling outside. They are easily identified by the oversized badges which they pin on their shirt pocket.








Author is on the right.
Sniper with M82A1 is on the left.






At the moment, there is still a semblance of peace as talks rage in the UN Headquarters in New York City with the Ambassador of the US denouncing the Terrorists and threatening heavy economic sanctions. The rest of the P5 of the UNSC are also in agreement over this course of action, with Britain saying it will place a carrier off the coast in the event of war in Iceland. However, despite threats, the Terrorists are still preparing for a war with the Socialists. The President of the Republic, Mr. Bobby K was still conspicously absent inspite of mounting tension within his own country. According to his deputy he is currently away koi-hunting and he believes that it will not come to war.

For now, all we can do is wait and see how this plays out as the social fabric of Iceland's society gets torn apart bit by bit. Tune in to Rotters. as we bring you the latest updates on this as it develops.

posted at 5:49 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

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SPECIAL COVERAGE OF ICELAND

WORLD

- reported by Osiris, in Republic of Iceland.

On Saturday, Rotters Int. reported that according to our contact in Iceland, civil war might break out in the country soon. The news crew touched down in the country on Monday and has confirmed that report.

It seems that the Socialists want the Terrorists to amend their mistake of denying their space of freedom on Uncyclopedia.org, but the Terrorists have repeatedly refused these requests, claiming that the material posted on the Socialists' webpage was part of a 'psy-ops' initiative to undermine and topple the current government. The Socialists deny any intentions of a coup, saying that the webpage was just a move to distract readers from the troubles which the Terrorists have already caused in the country.

With the absence of President Bobby K, who is out of the country somewhere, it leaves more room for the Socialists to launch an attack on the Terrorists. A spokesman from the Socialists Intelligence Group ( S.I.G ) has told Rotters Int. that the Terorrists themselves are already building up defenses against important buildings like the Administration Office and the make-shift Staff Offices.

"Our satellite images show that Zeuss Anti-Aircraft guns have been installed on the roof-tops of buildings of interest, and also around the area. More guards have also been moved in to secure the gates, but these can be easily taken down by our well-trained snipers." the intelligence officer revealed.

At S.Rajacurry Airbase, the Socialists have already been practising sorties with their newly acquired F-22 Raptor Strike Fighters. These aircraft are known to be invisible to radar while flying at supersonic speeds, and carry deadly payloads. However Rotters Int. understands that this would be the first time that the Raptors are used for military purposes.



A Socialist F-22 Raptor seconds after taking off from S.Rajacurry Airbase.








Other military preparations by the Socialists are still unknown to Rotters Int., but according to readers of the Socialists' webpage, the party had claimed that there was an underground storage of assault rifles beneath the icon of the Republic of Iceland, the majestic clock tower. The Socialists are also known to be able to infiltrate the offices of the Terrorists' at night with the help of the party's Intelligence and Counter-Corruption organization ( I.C.C ), which has no relation to the party's own S.I.G.

There has been little word from the international community; President George W Bush denounced the breakdown of tensions between the two parties, after having visited the country in late 2003 in a bid to improve relations. However there has been no mention of a peacekeeping force to be sent in to neutralize the situation, and it is believed that the Republic of Iceland would not be receiving any foreign help because Iceland is not a member of the E.U.

Rotters Int. will bring you more updates as the story develops.

posted at 5:11 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

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Sunday, October 22, 2006

AH FATT TELL YOU

By Ah Fatt

Walau eh, Indonesia's haze damn one kind ah! All the smoke make lim beh's throat so dry, then my nose become like running tap. Si beh jialat. Last time from Ah Fatt's flat on 10th floor can see all the way to CBD area, now good view kena block liao. Only can see other nearby HDB flats, sian boh?

Ah Fatt tell you ah, the P.S.I reading is lanjiao one ah. What 105 la, 120 la, then drop to 'healthy' reading of 65. KNN la, haze where got healthy reading one? Got smoke means bad for your health already, still got moderate, unhealthy readings. Ge pi la!

::Cough cough!:: Ah Fatt's throat not very good. Talk to you all next week. Gaaarrrrr...POOI!

posted at 1:22 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

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Saturday, October 21, 2006

UNREST IN ICELAND

WORLD

- reported by Osiris.

Rotters International has just received word from a contact in the Republic of Iceland that a civil war might break out very soon, amidst the mounting tensions.

Relations between the two factions Socialists and Terrorists have gone sour ever since the Terrorists' new member Bobby K was elected to be the president of the Republic of Iceland. The Socialists refused to accept Bobby K as their new leader because the Terrorists had broken Iceland's 183-year tradition of electing an old member of the Socialists to rule the country. Bobby has no relation whatsoever to the Socialists' party and was elected into power in late 2004, with the outgoing President Wongie now taking up post in the United Nations Education Dept.

It was reported that the Socialists' webpage on Uncyclopedia.org had been removed by the Terrorists, who received a tip-off from a mole within the Socialists' party. The Socialists were furious because they were denied their space of freedom, which had been part of the agreement between the two parties. Now our contact has told us that the Socialists' are preparing to declare war on the Terrorists.

Rotters Int. will keep you updated on this breaking news story as we receive more details.

posted at 3:20 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

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NORTH KOREA TO HOLD A SECOND TEST?

WORLD

- reported by Osiris, in Beijing, China.

More than a week after the Democratic People's Republic of Korea ( DPRK ) sparked a global uproar by teesting their conducting their first nuclear test underground, and the United Nations Security Council punished them by imposing sanctions on the country, North Korean leader Kim Jong Il has announced that a second test was "on its way".

This comes amidst mixed reports which the international community has been receiving. On Friday, a report from South Korea's Yonhap news agency said that Kim regretted conducting the nuclear test on October 9 and that he is not planning another.

Meanwhile, the KCNA, North Korea's state-run news agency, released a statement Friday calling the test "a historic success" and described the nation's pride Friday night following a large rally at a square named for Kim.

"Choe Thae Bok, alternative member of the Political Bureau and secretary of the Central Committee of the Workers' Party of Korea, speaking on behalf of the WPK, hailed the successful nuclear test, reflecting the unanimous feelings of all the party members and other working people of the country, and warmly congratulated scientists, technicians and workers on having successfully ensured the nuclear test with ardent patriotism and loyalty," the statement said.

The Stalinist-country has yet to return to the six-party talks, but and while US Secretary of State Condoleeza Rice said that "the door for North Korea" is always open, a response from Pyongyang had yet to be received.

Then on Saturday morning, Pyongyang issued a statement saying that it would conduct another nuclear test but has given no scheduled date.

"In response to the bulls**t sanctions imposed by the gangsters of the UNSC, the DPRK has taken the international response as a provocative threat, and will take steps to further safeguard its territory and prevent any invasion from the imperialists of the United States and its gang."

"We will not hesitate to resort to the use of nuclear weapons, and to ensure that these preventive measures will be ready for use, a second test is on its way."

China, North Korea's closest ally, was the first to condemn the DPRK after receiving the news from its neighbour. A foreign ministry spokesman said, "We deeply condemn the threats which North Korea has posed to the international community, because by pushing this matter further we are worsening the situation and it will be harder to reach a peaceful agreement."

However Rotters Int. received a call from a Chinese official, who requested to remain anonymous, claiming that Chinese President Hu Jingtao personally gave a call to Kim Jong Il to commend him on his courage by defying the sanctions imposed on his country, and that the DPRK had China's fullest support.

Rotters Int. is still working on a confirmation.

A response from the United States or the rest of the members of the UNSC has yet to be heard because the countries were engaged in a three-night poker tournament held in Monaco, start Friday.





The anonymous Chinese official who gave us the call.

posted at 12:46 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

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ROTTERS IS BACK!

Yes folks, Rotters Int. is back again, after an absence of more than a month. We apologize for the sudden lack of news updates, and we hope to get back to work as soon as possible. Stay tuned.

- Rotters International.

posted at 12:43 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

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