Rotters International - The Crap Comes First

Sunday, December 24, 2006

ROTTERS IS MOVING

Rotters Int. will be moving to a new host Wordpress.com. This historical move should be completed in 24 hrs, unless the United Nations Security Council imposes sanctions on us.

Our new URL will be rottersint.wordpress.com. Stay tuned, as Rotters Int. remains committed as ever to bringing you the latest stories.

posted at 1:30 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 16 Comments

Monday, December 11, 2006

ON LEAVE

COMPANY ANNOUNCEMENT

This is a company announcement that writer Da Vinci will be on leave from tomorrow till the 29th of december. He will be travelling to the land where vulgarities sound like compliments, the food is heavenly and the babes too hot to handle - France. Till then, he wishes all and sundry a very merry christmas and may Santa be generous and not drop a C4 in your stocking. Especially YOU Ah Fatt!!!

Cheers,

Da Vinci
Co-Chief Editor
Rotters International

posted at 11:17 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

Sunday, December 10, 2006

POLONIUM TRAIL LEADS TO GERMANY, HITLER QUESTIONED

WORLD

- reported by Osiris.

British detectives investigating the death of ex-Russian spy Alexander Litvinenko have arrived in Berlin to meet German officials after radiation traces were found in two brothels owned by ex-leader Adolf Hitler.

Britain's MI-6 received a tip-off from their German counterparts after five female prostitutes turned up at a local hospital with symptoms of radiation poisoning. Doctors confirmed that all five tested positive for the substance polonium, but did not state if the prostitutes' lives were endangered.

German police officers have held Hitler at the Federal Intelligence Services headquarters for questioning, but insisted that the former Nazi leader is 'not under arrest'. A top-ranking officer, who requested not to be named due to the fact that the questioning was not supposed to be disclosed, told Rotters Int, "Hitler is giving us his full cooperation, but at the moment we are still in the beginning stages of questioning." He did not give any further details.

Britain has requested that Hitler be indicted to London where the police can proceed with a more 'comprehensive interrogation', but Germany is reluctant to do so. Sources from Berlin tell us that the Chancellor is afraid that Britain will lock Hitler in the Madame Tussauds wax museum.

"If it is a human figure, then we are alright with it. But if the British are going to display Hitler as Churchill's meatloaf, then we cannot allow them to do so." quoted a letter from Germany's foreign ministry.

German authorities insist that Hitler is not under arrest.

Since the end of World War II, when Germany surrendered to the Allies after the Jewish Hot-dog Attack on the capital city, Adolf Hitler had spent his time rebuilding the country's economy, employing homeless women to work as sex workers. He is the owner of twelve brothels with a net worth of more than twenty billion Euros, and is currently ranked twenty-five on the Forbes 100 richest men in the world.

MI-6 suspects that Hitler received supplies of polonium, along with other radioactive substances, during the second World War, when it was known that the Nazi leader was pursuing weapons of mass destruction. Although this is merely preliminary speculation, British tabloid The Daily Mirror has implicated that Moscow was responsible for the sale, and that former Soviet leader Stalin had been secretly supplying his enemy with weapons in exchange for victory against the German army.

Stalin, who is currently resting under a Russian Hawthorne tree, could not be reached for comment.

posted at 10:52 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 1 Comments

MORE RAINBOW SIX COMIC STRIPS

GAMING

- reported by Osiris.

Found more strips pertaining to Rainbow Six: Vegas in the Penny Arcade archives. Enjoy.

posted at 10:27 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

FUNNY RAINBOW SIX COMIC

GAMING

- reported by Osiris.

This is taken from Penny Arcade, two gamers who can draw really well.

In case you are scratching your head and asking yourself what is so funny about this strip, Penny Arcade is basically mocking communication problems which may arise in an international counter-terrorism team.

Rotters Int. had the opportunity to test out Rainbow Six: Vegas, courtesy of GameAxis. A concise review will be published in the January issue of GameAxis Unwired, but we will be posting our initial version on the portal soon. Stay tuned!

posted at 10:10 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

Saturday, December 09, 2006

ELMO APPROVES CONGRESS APPROVAL OF INDIA NUCLEAR SALE, PAKISTAN VOICES DISCONTENT

WORLD

- reported by Osiris.

The red and furry nincompoop Elmo has signed a new legislation into US law, where it is now allowed to export civilian nuclear fuel and technology to India for the first time in 30 years. The vote follows an agreement earlier this year between the Sesame Street corporation and the Indian Prime Minister Manmohan Singh.

Under the deal, energy-hungry India, whose development rate is rapid, will have access to US civil nuclear technology and fuel, in return for opening its nuclear facilities to the Sesame Street corporation where future TV shows will be recorded.

Its nuclear weapons sites, however, will still remain off-limits.

Elmo is confident of the new deal.

Elmo told Rotters Int. that the new deal is a step forward to improving ties between the world's only superpower and one which is emerging.

"We have to give them the fuel because it is a necessity for India. We don't want the day to come when India has to threaten with its weapons arsenal in order to get what they want to survive." He was comparing with the North Korean situation, when the communist country recently hit South Korea with a big stick in a bid to remind the world that they are still a nuclear threat.

Prime Minister Singh was proud of the new agreement. "Now, besides the nuclear fuel, we also have Sesame Street shows for the children. They don't have to watch street puppet shows any more!"

Neighbouring Pakistan, who has never been on good terms with India and also has a nuclear weapons arsenal, condemned the new trade deal. President Musharraf called the agreement a "brave move to ignite a war."

"Everyone knows what India will do to the nuclear fuel. They will spice it up such that it can be used in weapons, just like what they do to the curry."

"I am sick of Elmo. I bet you're sick of Elmo as well. Yesterday he just asked me to tickle him twenty times!"

The Pakistani President added, "When they set up their TV studios, they will blare it over the PA system and try to convert the kids in our country to watch their capitalist shows instead of our local Ali Baba and the Prophet series." Sesame Street executives declined to comment, but Cookie Monster said this,

"I have COOKIES! They have no cookies! COOKIES! Munch munch!"

"Oh no! Not Elmo again!"

posted at 10:31 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

EX-SOCIALISTS HIRE PRIVATE INVESTIGATORS

WORLD

- reported by Osiris.

Senior members of the Socialists' Party in Iceland have hired a private investigation team to scout the Republic of Jacked China for any possible threats.

The services of famous duo of Sam and Max have been acquired to ensure that the country is safe before they move in. Earlier Socialists had heard rumors that the police officers in the Republic of Jacked China had been ordered to shoot any Socialist on sight. The senior members are currently holding up in undisclosed areas, and we have confirmed that they have not moved to Jacked China yet. It is believed that they have made plans to move in on January 3 2007, but security precautions had to be taken.

Sam and Max will make sure that Republic of Jacked China is safe for the senior Socialists to move in.

Said a senior official, who declined to be named because of the sensitivity of the issue, "We cannot fully trust the Republic of Jacked China yet, because we all know that the Icelandic administration has ties with them. But of course we do not want to hurt any relationship even before moving, so we are just takin the right and necessary steps."

No official from the Republic of Jacked China would comment on the rumor.

Sam and Max will sniff the town areas for any clues of suspicious characters. It is understood that corrupt police officers will smell heavily of donuts, and Sam will be able to pick up the scent.

"We are pleased that the Socialists party have engaged us to be in-charge of their security, and Max and I are confident that we will do a good job." Sam told Rotters Int. in a phone interview. The two private investigators are currently investigating the trail of a TV show in a TV studio, and should arrive in the Republic of Jacked China on Tuesday.

Sam and Max are known for their harsh interrogation tactics which will make people want to pee in their pants.

posted at 10:01 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

THE STATE OF FOOD

HOME

-reported by Da Vinci.

Not too long ago I found myself walking down Orchard road looking for some good eats but to no avail. It was then that I came to realise that hey, there are really no good eateries along this major thoroughfare unless you are willing to fork out at least $20 per person at a decent restaurant. So as a patriotic citizen, I decided to embark on a search mission to find the secret locations of some of the best local fare here. I decided to set out to ascertain the state of food on this island nation.

0800 hours
Early in the morning, I found myself parked behind a plastic blue table at an indian coffeeshop shoveling roti prata into my mouth. Located opposite Beauty World shopping mall, Al-Azhar coffeeshop is a favourite among the residents there and serves some pretty good prata. They are only 60 cents per prata and come out fresh, hot and crispy. You can eat it with sugar or with some of the killer curry which they serve there. Another thing which they are famous for is the milo dinosaur. Imagine a beer mug filled to the brim with milo, ice cubes and milo powder along with an optional scoop of vanilla ice cream and you've got an energising chocolate milkshake with a Singaporean twist to it. Apart from that, they also serve a really good red bean milkshake.

1100 hours
After that heavy breakfast my mind is wondering where to go next to fill up my stomach. The answer is the original Killiney Road Kopitiam for a morning snack of kaya toast and coffee. The kaya is homemade and fresh while the bread is toasted the traditional way, over a charcoal grill, giving it a smoky taste and a crunch which you cannot get from using the high-tech toasters of today. It is reasonably priced to boot.

1300 hours
I have made my way to the Bishan neighbourhood and have stopped at the S-11 coffeeshop next to Junction 8 shopping centre for lunch. There is a stall known only to residents of the nearby HDB flats and the students of Raffles who's school is next door. That stall is the "Qiu Lian Ban Mian" stall. Ban Mian is basically flat handmade noodles. There, they cook the noodles before your very eyes in a tasty broth filled with minced pork, leafy greens and an egg. It is really cheap at $2.50 for a big bowl. Wash it all down with the potent $1 iced lemon tea sold at the drinks stall there.

1930 hours
Dinner, we can afford to splurge a bit so I decided to head over to Dome. The main courses there are pretty typical of a western cafe, but the highlight here is the dessert and the coffee. The Apple Crumble with Vanilla Ice cream is killer. I recommend taking the crumble cold, not heated up. That way everything is denser and the chill really brings out the flavour. Then comes the coffee. They serve good coffee here, second only to Coffee Club in my opinion. At Dome, try the Cafe Vienna, a sinful cup of one shot espresso infused with whip cream with a foam cap and topped with chocolate shavings. Simply heaven.

So there you have it, some of the nicest and cheapest places in Singapore to eat. If you are a foreigner here don't be suckered by the Newton Circus tourist trap. Go to these places instead for good, cheap, classic Singaporean food. For more information, please email rottersint@gmail.com. Ah Fatt will be pleased to attend to your call, now that he has finished his Hello Kitty review.

posted at 7:36 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

Friday, December 08, 2006

NEW TMNT MOVIE TRAILER

ENTERTAINMENT

- reported by Osiris.

The pizza-eating turtles are back to save the day in glorious 3D animation. Watch the latest trailer for the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles on MTV online. Click on the poster to view it now!

posted at 6:21 PM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments

DELECTABLE CAKES

HOME

- reported by Osiris .

Recently my aunt got married ( finally ) and she had a simple wedding ceremony. However being a food expert, she ordered a huge box of cakes for each of her sisters present. The sweet delicacies included chocolate fudge, coffee, cheesecake and strawberry. They were very good - in fact a close competitor of Bakerzin's!

I do not know the price, but I reckon they do not come cheap. The name of the bakery is Canelé Pâtisserie Chocolaterie, a sister of the Les Amis chain of French restaurants. So you can be sure that the cake you are buying is no ordinary one. Here is the bakery's website: http://lesamis.com.sg/webtop/canele/

If you are looking for other quality cakes but at a cheaper price, check out the Deli at Goodwood Park Hotel. This cake counter is most famous for its lineup of durian delicacies like cakes, puffs and puddings. However I am never a fan of the 'king of fruits', and was more mesmerized by the blackforest cake. It certainly is like no other - the chocolate is just right, and it melts in your mouth. No, not M&Ms. However they could be a little more generous with the blueberries.

If you are wondering why I am recommending a hotel deli as a cheaper alternative, here is the answer. The deli has a 50% discount on all cakes on weekdays after 8pm. Many people already know of this promotion, so if you do not want your favourite cake to become someone else's dessert, then be early. Do not be surprised to find 'vultures' already waiting before the hour.

This is absolutely true! I know most of the articles here are half-accurate, but this is no bluff and I shall take full responsibility for my food report!

posted at 12:05 AM by Rotters Int. | Permalink | 0 Comments